


Tangled Turmoil

by MintyInks



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, BoyxBoy, Disorders, Fluff, Gay, Gonkillu - Freeform, M/M, Romance, Semi-smut, Yaoi, gonxkillua, hunterxhunter - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:48:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25445671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintyInks/pseuds/MintyInks
Summary: ~* Warnings *~This book contains angsty themes, self-harm, depression stuff, etc..~* Killua is 17 and is a sophomore in high school. He suffers from multipledisorders that challenge him in his everyday life. Such as Anxiety, OCD andDepression. *~.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 1
Kudos: 34





	1. Prologue: First Vacation

The Zoldyck family, one of the top ten of the richest families in the world. Well-known for their extraordinary genetics and unquestionable superiority in the business industry. The family consisted of eight members; Grandfather, Father, Mother, and five children. Each member at a young age is trained to act with proper manners and upholding elegant appearances for the sake of the high-status social position that the family possesses. The household had decided to take an extended vacation to an island for some R&R, away from the big city. They arrived at a large two-story beach house. The house was light blue in color with a lot of white accents, palm trees outlining the driveway. The family drove their car into the spacious garage and they started exiting the vehicle, some more excitedly than others.

A young boy around the age of six, with snow-white hair, ivory skin, and bright blue cerulean eyes jumped out of the car and sprinted out of the garage, excitement in every step he took. Before the boy got too far from the house, a voice yelled out his name making him stop in his tracks. He turned around only to see his mother by the garage door tapping her heel on the pavement.

"Where do you think you're going, young man?" the woman asked with a demanding tone.

The boy stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked at his feet timidly. "I..wanted to go run around for a- " He was cut off short.

"I don't think so, you get in the house right now, Killua. You're still grounded." She said sternly.

Killua whined and bounced lightly in place, earning a glare from his mother. "Why drag me with you guys if I'm not allowed to do anything..." he mumbled.

"There is no way I'm leaving you behind in a house alone, even if the butlers are around I don't trust you by yourself. Just because we are on vacation, doesn't mean you can avoid punishment." She stated.

"Momma I just want to go look around!" he pleaded in a cutesy tone.

"Should have thought of that before you decided to trash the dining room with that food fight you had with Milluki last weekend." She deadpanned.

"But he started it! Why am I grounded but not Milluki!" He wined in protest.

"Because you're the one who started the food fight, not him!" She said, starting to raise her voice as she rubbed the temples of her forehead in frustration.

"He was picking on me though, He-!" Killua was cut off again.

"But nothing!" She shouted, finally having enough of her son's backtalk. "If you keep irritating me about this, I'll extend your punishment you hear me!" She paused angrily before continuing, "Go to your room, now."

Killua huffed, biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from complaining and yelling. "Yes, Ma'am..." He muttered quietly and walked into the house.

~*~

Killua spent the next three days, only to leave for food or bathroom breaks. He started to feel restless laying in his bed for what it felt like forever to him. His gaze shifts to his window. He sighs and sits up from the bed. Even the view that he thought was stunning was starting to bore him. Killua groans and looks back and forth from the window to his door, a small grin forms on his face. Getting up from his bed he walks over to the door, locking it. He goes back to the window and opens it, widely as possible. A soft breeze blows through his thick locks, a small smile stretches on his face.

Killua looks down from the window and gulps at the long drop before him. He didn't think he would be this frightened. Shaking the thought from his head, Killua jumped from the window landing on all fours, like how a cat would. Immediately wincing once he hit the ground. He sits down, lifting up his palms. His palms were scratched and faintly bleeding due to slamming on the rough pavement. Ignoring the little wounds he has, he scurried to the more populated parts of the beach.

Killua walks around the beach with a content smile. He felt good being able to properly stretch his legs instead of just pacing around his room. Though he felt a little uncomfortable being so close to strangers, he thought hiding in plain sight would be better than by himself. Killua maneuvers through the crowded section of the beach and heads to the less dense area. As he continues to walk the beach, a large balloon beach ball thumps him on the head making him fall to the ground.


	2. Chapter 1: Friends?

Losing his balance, Killua topples to the ground, thumping his head on the soft-like sand of the beach. The ball that hit him bounced only a short distance from him. He grumbles, lifting himself into a sitting position. Killua glares at the object responsible for such misfortune. 'Stupid ball...' he mumbles to himself. That's when he hears muffled footsteps approaching him, his gaze quickly shifting in front of him.

There is a small boy with short, spikey, raven hair running over to him with a concerned expression stretched on his sun-tanned face. Killua glared at him, assuming that he was indeed the owner of the ball, the boy panting heavily once arrived at his side.

"I'm so sorry!" The boy huffed a moment, offering his hand down to Killua. "I didn't mean to hit you." He smiled nervously.

Killua hesitated before taking his hand. The boy helped lift him off the ground and gave him a big toothy grin. Killua couldn't help but gawk at his face. His bright brown, honey-golden eyes seemed to sparkle in the sunlight.

"Hey, are you okay?" His voice sounded worried like he genuinely cared for Killua's safety.

Killua seemed to snap out of his trance. "Y-yeah...I am okay." He began dusting off the sand that is clinging to his clothing. Killua heard a soft sigh of relief. He looked back up to the kid in front of him.

"Thank goodness, my Aunt would have gotten so mad if I hurt someone. She told me if I ever hurt someone, she would ground me forever." Those words were serious, for him at least.

"I think it's highly unlikely she would actually do that to you though, right?" Killua chuckled lightly. "Oh, my name is Killua. What is yours?"

The boy's eyes widened, chirping happily, "Oh my bad, I can't believe I forgot to mention my name! It's Gon, Gon Freecss."

Gon Freecss.

Both boys stood there, staring at each other in awkward silence. Killua tilted his head once hearing Gon giggle.

"Ya know, you're really pretty, Killua, especially your eyes! I like pretty things." Gon proclaimed, still giggling as he spoke.

A compliment. Killua's eyes enlarged, a soft pink slowly coloring his pale cheeks. "B-Baka, you can't just say stuff like that!" His volume was too loud, defensive, but lacking the bite that had the possibility of scaring Gon away. "It's embarrassing..." mumbling quietly near the end.

Gon couldn't stop himself from bursting out in laughter. It left Killua's ears ringing. Laughter. Does that mean they're friends now?

"It's true though, your eyes remind me of the ocean!" Gon still had trouble containing his laughter. Alas, he only began to laugh harder once Killua picked up his beach ball and threw it at him.

"You're so embarrassing, Gon!" Killua practically screamed out, cheeks beet red at this point. He felt vulnerable with Gon, but not in a bad way. And Killua wanted to know why, or perhaps how. How was Gon able to be so open, so confident in his words or actions?

Gon called out in a soft, questioning tone, "Ne, Killua?"

"Yeah?" Killua hummed.

"You want to play with me?"

Killua was taken aback but quickly nodded. Gon eagerly grabbed one of his wrists, running playfully back to his spot. It left Killua's skin tingling.

~*~

Both boys spent the rest of the afternoon running around, playing in the sand, swimming, and talking to each other like they have been friends for years. It felt like they've been friends for years, it was natural, and that was reassuring to Killua.

The setting sun touched the rippling waves. Everything was pink, the sand, nearby rocks, and prettiest of all, the marshmallow-like clouds. They sat down, watching the sun slowly leave for the day as though promising for another good day tomorrow.

"Killua, I'm really happy I hit you with my ball." Gon tittered, looking over to Killua, who was already watching him. Their eyes locked, and Killua revealed a soft, genuine smile. Gon grinned even wider.

"Ne Killua..." Gon broke the silence again.

Killua hummed in response.

"Are we friends?"

Breath caught in Killua's throat, Gon surprising him for the umpteenth time that day. Friends. That word was foreign to him, but he wanted to be fluent."Of course, Gon." It was only a mumble of a response, but the words were surely impactful by the way Gon's eyes lit up brighter than the twinkling stars. Before Killua could even process what happened, he was crushed in a hug, but it was also careful, delicate, and Killua found himself immediately melting at the touch.

"You should come to my house tomorrow!" Gon's voice was a little too loud next to Killua's ear. Regardless, the statement filled him with joy, even anticipation. "Sure, Gon," He couldn't say no. Nothing in him wanted to. "How about we meet up here in the morning at eleven?" Killua prayed this would work because that meant seeing Gon again. Maybe it was only the first day they met, but it was already too hard to say goodbye.

Killua sat up, "I should be going home, I don't want my family getting worried." The thought of being late had sweat form on Killua's forehead.

Once again, Gon hugged him. Gon hugged him. And Killua couldn't begin to describe how happy that made him. When they separated, Killua knew his face was embarrassingly red.

They ran home together, almost in sync. Killua even thought about sneaking out later that night and matching Gon's footprint with his own as each touch blemished the smooth sand. But they went separate ways once arriving near home.

Killua facepalmed. He doesn't have a way inside. So stupid. He peered through the window: no one in the living room. He gingerly tried to open the front door, wanting to jump off a bridge once realizing it was locked. Next, he tried opening the windows. Locked as well. That's when a (what Killua would normally call stupid) idea popped in his head. Palm tree plus side of house equals an entrance.

Inside the Zoldyck's beach house in one of the rooms on the top floor, a man with long black hair was resting on his bed, attempting to fall asleep. Suddenly, a noise from outside his window caught his attention. Standing up, he walks over to the window and peeks outside. Frowning once seeing his little brother hopping along the outdoor window ledges. "Kill?"


	3. Chapter 2: Victim of Life

Killua plops onto his bed once slinking through his bedroom window. Huffing, nerves shot, aware of everything, and still out of breath from that ridiculous way inside. He was smiling though. A friend-- something that only hours ago seemed impossible, out of reach. But now, the concept was close enough to brush with his fingers. The alienating feeling left him in pure bliss. But the warmhearted merriment rapidly relinquished to dread. The door must've opened silently.

"Killu." A monotone voice echoed through his room.

Killua jolted up, gaze meeting controlling, emotionless black orbs.

"I-Illumi. Hey, what's up?" Killua asked nervously, internally wishing sweat was voluntary.

"Where were you, Killu?"

"W-what do you mean I was here all day!" He sounded too defensive. His stomach twisted in knots.

"Killu, I'm not stupid." Illumi glared down at him. The atmosphere shifted, and not in a pleasant way, to say the least.

"Y-you got no proof, Illumi." Killua stated, oblivious of himself digging his own grave.

Illumi caught on, of course. His lanky figure ambled adjacent to the bed, kneeling down. Killua's shoulders tensed. "One, you're stuttering." Illumi started. "Two.." He paused, reaching a hand to ruffle Killua's head of hair. "There is sand in your hair."

Killua's eyes widened slightly and went silent. Stupid, he cursed at himself.

"What were you doing out there, Kill? You know you're grounded."

Killua's heart quickened, he began pleading. "Please don't tell mother! I just wanted to play some," Killua's wilted, voice softening "I just wanted to have fun."

Illumi stared at his little brother and sighed.

"I won't tell them, but you need to be careful, Killu. No one was there to watch you. We don't need you getting hurt.

Killua looked up surprised. "I wasn't alone! I made a friend, and-" His eyes childishly darted back and forth, "I was safe!"

Illumi frowned. Killua's heart dropped with the disappointment painted on his elder brother's face. "You don't need to be wasting your time making friends, Killu." He deadpanned.

"What? And why not?!"

"As I said, We don't need you getting hurt," Illumi repeated. He laid a flat palm on Killua's head, which Killua had found oddly reassuring, "You have everything you need right here." before leaving and closing the door behind him. Leaving Killua alone with nothing but silence, the dark, and his thoughts.

Killua laid his head on his pillow staring at the ceiling. 'He's wrong' He thought to himself as he slowly drifted into a deep slumber.

~*~

Killua and Gon visited each other daily. Killua loved it, he loved being near Gon, the ecstatic feeling that sparked his nerves when waking up and thinking: It's time to go see Gon! He felt happier just being beside him, and it became his newfound reason for living. Even better, he was no longer grounded, now able to come and go as he pleases, the closest sense of freedom, happiness. That is though, as long as he was home before dark.

It was until the day when everything changed.

Killua woke up to a new day and did his morning routine. He rushed downstairs with a bounce in his step, only to stop abruptly at the sight of boxes stacked in the living room. His eyes widened in fear. 'It can't be...' Everything in him shattered. 

"Mom, why are there boxes everywhere?!" Killua shouted, hoping it was just something else, it had to be something else, anything else than what he was thinking.

"Sweetie, we're going to the airport in two hours! Illumi packed your clothes already. You may want to double-check to make sure you have everything." she called out.

Killua was flabbergasted. How could they not tell him of something as important as this? He was important enough. Wasn't he? "What we're leaving already?! But Mom, it hasn't even been that long!"

"Killua, hun, it's been a month. It's time for us to head back home."

Killua spent the rest of the morning whining and complaining. He voiced his opinion, (pretty loudly) of his discontent for returning home. He eventually gave up once he was in the car as his family drove to the airport. There was no point, just a waste of his energy. He honestly felt deflated and dispirited. He didn't even get to say goodbye to Gon. Killua ended up silently crying himself to sleep on the plane ride home.

~*~

The passing years were meaningless to Killua; he grew afraid of time itself. Some moments seemed to drag on for an eternity, or it would whisk by before Killua even had a chance just to stop, think, adjust. That's when he discovered it wasn't time he feared, time is infinite, but rather, life itself. Along with maturity came grueling expectations, and he discovered his worst, most mind-numbing, most crippling enemy: himself.

Being forced to do whatever he was told to do. It became second nature, like a machine carrying out orders without room for anything else. Doesn't even matter what it was, he would have to do it. Frighteningly enough, he'd probably do it absentmindedly, willingly. He was told how to act, speak, dress or even the slightest mess up would result in 'punishment' and would be told to do whatever he has done wrong correctly, over and over again until it was drilled into his mind like he was a bird getting conditioned inside Skinner's Box.

Killua is 17 now. With age came with so-called freedom: attending public school. School and home had one thing in common: hell. He rarely gets enough sleep anymore due to the ridiculous amount of homework the teachers give out. He really hated all the attention that school provides too. He hated it when people would crowd him due to his so-called 'attractive' appearance. He never liked interacting, it just stresses himself out; afraid to make mistakes to the wrong people. He ended up changing his style of clothing to hide his body: an oversized purple hoodie and gray jeans. It was simple, but that's what he wanted. To just be normal, ordinary, anything but himself.


End file.
